Tuesday, August 9, 2011

An uncool Mom

I think Im going to become one.

I've written about Chutku's first trip to he zoo and on the way back how we went to Raman's house for Tea. Well, her house is itself fodder for a Home Decor post but I will not dwell into that here...

She has a teenage son who studies in a school close by and on the way she showed us the school and the huge mall that has opened up just a few streets away from the school. And then she said " I told him that he can aaraamse get his girlfriend here for movies and coffee".

And then today I met another friend who said his mom is very cool about his marriage and insists that he will have to find his own girl, be in a relationship and then decide if he wants to take it further!

And in both the cases I was wondering if I have become old-fashioned already. When Raman mentioned about her son my thought was - "No way! Girlfriend in school,movies and coffee in mall? - I dont think I would be happy about Chutku doing any of these" And in the second case - "No way! Love and girlfriend is fine but Im not so sure about live-in before marriage yet". Where as I think Chutku's Dad will be more acceptable of these situations more than me.

That was when I realised that maybe I AM going to be an uncool Mom. I just hope that Chutku will not see them as constraints but as some rules that needs to be implemented to help make him a better person. I think that girlfriends and movies in school is too young! And the concept of live-in has somehow never been very appealing for the only reason that it doesnt really *bind* the 2 people to make the relationship work! If you DO want to live-in you can as well get married? Hmmm? This has got me thinking...Or am I still stuck somewhere between today and 10 years in the past?

On a much lighter note - The little fellow gave me my first flower :-) And I want to record that here... He picked up a flower kept at the main door, came in search of me calling 'Amma,Amma' - bypassed his Dad who kept asking him what happened,came straight to me in the kitchen and opened his palm to reveal a jasmine flower.And that made my day on sunday :-D


  1. Chutku is so sweet to come with flower to you. Even I would be an uncool mom in this case, I can't imagine Chucky having a bf in the school.Though R and I lived together for almost 2 years before we got married, but it wasn't like a trial live in relationship, we were committed to each other. But I still can't imagine my daughter doing the same.

  2. Um, I think there is a high possibility that our children will have girlfriends/boyfriends in school and definitely want to go to movies and coffee because this is what people were doing in my day, so I can only imagine it's more common now. We can say no but they will probably do it anyway and our saying no will give it the cool, rebellion factor as well. I'd rather know what they're up to and be able to give gentle advice. When we say no, I think we need to think about why we are saying no... is there something intrinsicly wrong with a teenager wanting to watch a movie with his friends or hang out in a coffee shop? I know with girlfriends, there's a fear among parents that the relationship will turn physical. But being sexually attracted to someone is not morally wrong, it's a natural human instinct as old as time. How can we prevent it? We can only explain to our kids the consequences of sexual activity - like pregnancy, stds - and also talk to them about being emotionally ready and hope they make sensible choices. Although it would make me uncomfortable, I'd rather my son be making out with his girlfriend at home rather than in some shady dark backroad in India where they are vulnerable to all kinds of opportunistic people.

    PS: Awww about the flower :)

  3. Firstly awww..on that flower..isnt that the cutest thing ever :)

    on the GF/BF stuff...I dont know RS..I am pretty open to it..as long as my child knows where to draw a line and what sort of a person she is going with, I am not too concerned honestly...Yes, there is an age for everything and I need to ensure she passes that age...but if at the age of 15 she says she wants to go for a movie with a guy and have coffee with him (and I know the guy) I am not going to say no to it..I think I should have enough trust in the way I have brought her up to trust her to do the right thing (Of course I may be eating my words years down the line)

    infact RD and his boss were discussing somethign about children and RD mentioned about love marriages and all..when his boss said...RD you cant even say whether your child will bring a girl and say I want to marry her...

    and you know what RS, I am pretty open to that as well :) to each his/ her own :)

  4. @LF - Exactly! I dont oppose the idea of GF and live-ins but Im not sure if I will be open to the idea when it involves my son!

    @Bride - Mine has been a college love story too-and in today's times I cant expect him to not have a GF or go to movies and cofee. BUT at the same time Im not sure if I want him to do all this in school - he should be 18atleast?!!

    And yes - I agree that the onus of educating them of all consequences is definitely on us the parents.

  5. Awwwwwwwww!! The flower thing is super cute.. Cherish these memories!! And about the being cool, I guess I will be (rather have to be) if we end up staying here... I guess I will be able to comment when I am in that shoes!!

  6. Hmmm! wonder how Chutku's grandparents reacted when they heard your news all those years ago. :-P.
    Dont worry dear, I am sure you will be ready by the time Chutku introduces you to his girl friend(s?) ;-)

    Flowers huh?! that's very sweet. This mommy is what you get in lieu of the boring sunday evenings I was cribbing about.

  7. hey, i added you in blogroll.
    i was discussing this topic with my husband. he said, "hope our daughter would marry a boy".. :P
    what do i tell now? that is when i realised, how much we need to catch up with next generation..