Was asked to read this extremely one sided personal view about the 'plight' of mothers-in-law. And thought why nobody ever writes about the state of the daughters-in-law! Being one myself and knowing a lot many (of course every household is different) I thought I would put my personal views here.
Disclaimer:Nothing personal and no grouse against any moms-in-law.
Yeah the DILs are able to go to work - thanks to them. But I don't see the need to pity her! Right- agreed that the modern day moms-in-law are still looking after the house rather than typically 'hand-over' the ghar ki chaabi to the new DIL. Has anyone ever thought that its because they still want to be in control? They might not want to hand-over everything to the DIL who might be more street smart and able to manage the house as well as her job better! Or even if they do say that the DIL has to now take care of the house - are they satisfied with the changes that she might make? Will they welcome the changes? Or stay possessive about 'my' house and
'my' kitchen? Before marriage the MILs insist that the girl should be going to work
and then later they crib that she doesn't have time to help with anything. And the poor DIL along with working whole day comes home tired and she cant relax - you see,MIL is busy preparing dinner for the family and she is expected to help.And the dinner has to be perfect - A little spicy/tangy/salty - wont do! "Oh! You know you
cant cook as good as your MIL". So the DIL has to do everything/everything right! get commented upon and still not speak - you see - 'Kaam karthi hai-toh badon ki izzat nahi karti hai-isiliye zabaan chalathi hai!" And its an unwritten rule in most homes where the son after a tiring day is asked to put his feet up and relax where as the DIL after an equally tiring day is expected to help with whatever MIL is doing...
Apart from all these - she has to be available to talk - if not- 'Oh! She's so busy, she cant talk to us... see her DIL or his DIL - she's such a sweet girl, she's VERY close to her PILs - she spends more time with them than with her husband", yeah ok! But have you also noticed that she doesn't work? Or works part time?Or even she doesn't have the work pressure? And of course she spends more time with PILs as hubby is away at work. - the comparison doesn't end there- subtle or blatant - its always
there.If something hurts/upsets her - she's termed sensitive/immature!- Isn't she human too?
Come weekend - MIL/FIL have already planned to go out and they want the son to take them out. It never once crosses their mind that with both of them working through the week its only during the weekends that the couple get any time for themselves too!
As for the functions - The DIL no matter how tired/exhausted/work loaded has to attend all/every wedding and functions in their family. If it coincides with any event in her parent's family/ friends - it goes without saying that it takes the least priority.Working does not give her the chance to visit her parents/relatives very rarely and the only opportunity to do that just vanishes into thin air - why? Priority event...
Isn't it a bigger juggling act for a DIL, both mentally and physically, who lives with PIL - managing work/home , keeping in-laws/parents/hubby happy, make something out of her career - where is the time for herself? Who is going to ask her if she is happy? If she has any concerns? Is she doing what she really wants? Does anyone really care?
I would love to get comments on this...
For the uninitiated: